think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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