I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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