Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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