there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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