I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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