I just pynch a tree in the face
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my shit smells like andre
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
