How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
