Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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