Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
