so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
