i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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