ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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