there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bring me that man meat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
