I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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