just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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