At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am one with the molecules
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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