I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
