when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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