it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
