so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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