ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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