I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
