i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
