So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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