I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
