My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
