I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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