He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
