There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
