Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
