well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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