i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
