it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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