well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
