Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is wine microwaveable?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
