At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
