You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
