I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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