Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
