those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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