My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
