I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
