i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
