Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.