Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.