so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
nutella sex= disaster
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him