I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!