Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
