Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time