No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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