It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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