That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
