in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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