the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
