I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He did a backflip because drugs
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