loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
