Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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